Q: Are you speaking against feminists? You emphasize femininity in your book, "Sex Secrets of an American Geisha" and tell the reader that strict feminists will be upset with you.

Py Kim Conant: As much as some feminists may have problems with me, I have no problems with feminists. I am both a feminist and a feminine woman; I see no reason for having to choose one or the other. All women need the feminist backbone that can allow them to be feminine without being weak or passive, to be nice without being taken advantage of.

An American Geisha is not a strict feminist, except in the world of work and career. The American Geisha develops within herself a comfortable balance between feminist and feminine-ist qualities. In the world of love and romance, I suggest that you shift your perspective to that of a feminine-ist, a woman who values, loves, and wants to operate out of her femininity. In a sense, in your work world you must insist upon being treated like “one of the boys,” treated equally with the men. However, in your personal world, you do not want to be one of the boys. You want to be very different from the boys, very feminine in contrast to their masculinity. You are a feminist while making a living, and a feminine-ist while making (or seeking) love. As a feminist, compete fairly with men at work; then, come home and attract men to you as a feminine-ist. The feminist asserts herself as a person, while the feminine-ist asserts herself as a woman. We women need to do both.

Q: Are you asking women to be the Stepford Wives clones, totally passive women who do whatever their men want?

Py Kim Conant: I do not suggest at all that women become some idealized stereotype of “feminine.” In The Stepford Wives, which was a novel and a movie in the 1970s and remade as a movie in 2004, all of the wives in the town of Stepford are incredibly feminine (they do aerobics in high heels, for instance), but also incredibly passive and dominated by their husbands. As two new arrivals to town (Nicole Kidman and Bette Midler in the 2004 version) eventually learn, all the other “wives” are, in fact, robotic clones created at the husbands’ request to replace their assertive wives. In contrast, I want your femininity to be an individual, unique expression of who you really are, a femininity that represents you being more of yourself, not less, not a homogenized, soulless, robotic slave that devotes yourself totally to your Stepford husband. No Good Woman American Geisha would want to be that robotic woman; nor would any truly Good Man want to be with a woman who is not her own real, happy, individual self.

Q: This book isn’t very politically correct, is it?
Py Kim Conant: No, it is not. I am often writing in my book in a politically incorrect way. I have to be honest, frank, even outrageous with the reader in this book. I can’t try to cover my little ass, saying politically correct things so that no one gets upset. I am not P.C. (Politically Correct), but I am P.C. (Practically Correct) in the book, advising women to do what works, what is practical, what makes you more beautiful, sexy, and feminine, in order to attract and keep your own masculine Good Man.

Remember that your Good Man always wants to feel appreciated by you, always wants to be your hero, especially regarding your orgasm and total sexual satisfaction and exhaustion.

You might ask me about a situation involving a vibrator or other sex toy. "What do I do," you might ask, "if I come wonderfully hard, perhaps even female ejaculate, on my Good Man’s cxxk, fingers, or tongue (or the three in some combination), but added to the mix of what made me come was a fantastic little (or big) vibrator that drove my clitoris into ecstasy and, truth be told, was the proximate cause of my coming so hard and satisfyingly? Help", you might say,
"what should I do about credit in that case?"

This is an important question because I believe that vibrators (and dildos and other sex toys, but especially vibrators) should be on your bedside table and always well-charged and available for your lovemaking (not necessarily always used, but frequently). You want your Good Man to be comfortable with vibrators as you incorporate them into your sex life with him.

A while ago my husband suggested to me that the old saying about diamonds being a girl’s best friend was wrong, that the truth is that vibrators are a girl’s best friend. I had to agree with him that I’d give up my diamonds long before I’d part with my Pocket Rocket vibrator. You know from masturbating alone with a vibrator how wonderful they are as sex aids to bring you stimulation and orgasm. God, they’re fantastic!

What about credit for a vibrator-triggered orgasm? My answer is short, definitive, and covers all situations: “Never give credit to the plastic (or the rubber or the metal).” Instead, of course, always give full credit for your orgasm to your Good Man and his cxxk, fingers, or tongue. Although the vibrator will often (even most often, I should think) be there, in use, during lovemaking, it receives zero credit from you for your excitement and orgasm. “Flesh” always gets full credit; “plastic” always get zero credit. You don’t want your Good Man to feel that his cxxk is in competition with your vibrator. Your Good Man is your lover; the vibrator is only your (and his) friend.

Py Kim Conant, the author of Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man, Hunter House Publishers. Looking for relationship, dating and sex tips? Visit Py’s website at http://www.AmericanGeishaHouse.com

As an American Geisha, you have a more difficult undertaking than does the Asian Geisha, who can keep her clients as her highest priority because she does not marry or plan a family. You want to marry and want a family, yet you probably also have a job or even an engaging career that pulls your attention away from your relationship with your Good Man. Fight successfully to maintain an active love life. Stay beautiful and feminine. Always be nice to each other.

I want to suggest some “rules” for an American Geisha. Add whatever additional ones you like:

* Be enthusiastically available to your man whenever he wants you sexually.
* Be nice.
* Be sweet.
* Tell him directly what you are thinking. He misses subtle messages.
* Love to softly touch his penis when it’s not hard.
* Kiss and suck his penis without his asking. Exercise no restraint. Eat it all!
* Tell your friends positive things about your husband, and believe them.
* Stay beautiful.
* Be assertive about what you need and want, including sexually.
* Be soft and feminine with your husband.
* Make your relationship, not your individual needs, your highest priority.
* Find ways to make him your hero.
* Always respect your man, be he rich or poor, C.E.O. or day laborer.
* Don’t try to fix his problems unless he asks for help.
* Don’t compare your husband’s income, penis, or job title to those of your friends’ husbands or of your ex—unless your man’s is bigger.
* Have good intentions. When you trust each other’s good intentions, there is no anger, even when mistakes are made.
* Learn to be assertive and direct yet kind and noncritical in your communications.
* Don’t ask him about his masturbation fantasies, and don’t be jealous of them.
* Consider telling him about your masturbation fantasies involving woman’s rock-hard nipples (or other lesbian fantasies).
* Let him watch you masturbate.
* Watch him masturbate (and participate a little).

As an American Geisha, you have a more difficult undertaking than does the Asian Geisha, who can keep her clients as her highest priority because she does not marry or plan a family. You want to marry and want a family, yet you probably also have a job or even an engaging career that pulls your attention away from your relationship with your Good Man. Fight successfully to maintain an active love life. Stay beautiful and feminine. Always be nice to each other.

I want to suggest some “rules” for an American Geisha. Add whatever additional ones you like:

* Be enthusiastically available to your man whenever he wants you sexually.
* Be nice.
* Be sweet.
* Tell him directly what you are thinking. He misses subtle messages.
* Love to softly touch his penis when it’s not hard.
* Kiss and suck his penis without his asking. Exercise no restraint. Eat it all!
* Tell your friends positive things about your husband, and believe them.
* Stay beautiful.
* Be assertive about what you need and want, including sexually.
* Be soft and feminine with your husband.
* Make your relationship, not your individual needs, your highest priority.
* Find ways to make him your hero.
* Always respect your man, be he rich or poor, C.E.O. or day laborer.
* Don’t try to fix his problems unless he asks for help.
* Don’t compare your husband’s income, penis, or job title to those of your friends’ husbands or of your ex—unless your man’s is bigger.
* Have good intentions. When you trust each other’s good intentions, there is no anger, even when mistakes are made.
* Learn to be assertive and direct yet kind and noncritical in your communications.
* Don’t ask him about his masturbation fantasies, and don’t be jealous of them.
* Consider telling him about your masturbation fantasies involving woman’s rock-hard nipples (or other lesbian fantasies).
* Let him watch you masturbate.
* Watch him masturbate (and participate a little).

* Wear your wedding ring 24/7.
* Be nice.
* Do household chores before she asks.
* Let her go out with her girlfriends and occasionally stay overnight with them.
* Let her have a weekend trip with her girlfriends.
* Let her know you cherish and love her.
* Call her at work just to say “I love you.”
* Listen to her problems without seeking solutions.
* Phone home if you will be late.
* Send her flowers at work so she can get them in front of her coworkers.
* Send a love letter to her workplace.
* Show your affection by kissing and hugging in front of her friends.
* Tell her often, “You’re beautiful,” and that you love her.
* Brag to your male friends about your wife; tell her you’ve done so.
* Make your relationship, not your job or career, your highest priority.
* Don’t spend too much time on the newspaper, the TV, or your buddies.
* Buy her perfume that you like.
* Place a picture of her (at least one) in your office or work space.