I had an interview with Hitched magazine (Hitched Media, Inc), http://hitchedmag.com/, a new publishing company delivering service and lifestyle information to married couples.

Py Kim Conant
Author of "Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man" is anything but submissive.
BY APRIL Y. PENNINGTON

Notable: Come October 28th, Py, 43, will definitely raise eyebrows, skirts and men’s libidos with her decidedly un-PC book, Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man (pre-orders available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com). Culling the practices of the Japanese geisha and the Korean equivalent, kisaeng, Korea-born Py attempts to teach American women the ways of the alluring Asian Geisha. Py's tips and suggestions will surely spark some lively conversation between you and your spouse.

[1] Some may perceive the contents of your book as training women to be submissive to men. Aren’t you reinforcing Asian female stereotypes? It’s only submissive in that you’re giving into the reality that men are visual animals with fragile egos. If you want to keep a relationship with a man, you have to give him what he wants. You have to go with the flow. Women need to only accept the stereotypes that are helpful or useful. If Asian women are perceived as nice, what’s wrong with that? Men approach you easily because of the stereotype. But the notion that Asian women are submissive, passive and materialistic, we just reject that.

[2] Why is it so important for married women to place their “beauty and sexy femininity” a continuing priority in their relationship? Men don’t want their women to change. They want their women to be the same as when they first got married. They want beauty, sexy femininity and a hot sexy relationship to keep the marriage invigorated. If your husband wants and desires you, that’s good. If you’re fat and gain weight, it’s bad.

[3] Isn’t it hard enough to live up to this ideal of perfection with supermodels and the genetically blessed? You say we should all be at our perfect weight yet you’re largely against plastic surgery. I emphasize in my book to look classy and natural. Plastic is not a natural look. We as women want to keep the best weight, that’s when you’re comfortable with your weight and proud of yourself. When you gain weight you get depressed and it affects your marriage. So sex is not good because you feel big and don’t want to take off the clothes and have sex anymore.

It’s a lie when men say they don’t care if the woman gains 50 pounds; we don’t want to hear the truth. When we ask if our butt looks big, we already know that it is, we just want to hear our husbands say no! Men don’t want to get in trouble by telling the truth.

[4] Why should women always credit their man for their orgasms, even when a vibrator’s in play? Men want to feel great, it’s ego boosting to do so. He wants to take the credit, even if you got the orgasm with the vibrator. He needs to feel masculine and regard the vibrator as a friend and not an enemy.

[5] You say women should be enthusiastically available to their man whenever he wants sex, but aren’t we allowed to not feel in the mood? We’re not sex machines, there’s no button they can press to instantly make us ready. And there will be many times where we don’t want to do it, but there’s a way to talk to him. Say “I’d love to have sex with you,” but then say what’s holding you back, like "I have a migraine," or whatever, but be truthful. Then tell him, “Can we have sex later,” or set a date in the near future. Finish by asking him if that’s okay. That way it’s his decision, not your decision and he doesn’t feel like he’s being pushed away by you. He will say "yes." Then since he waited for you, give him an extra treat like wearing a new thong panty—crotchless, silky—something that’s an incredible treat and is visual.

[6] The vast majority of your book covers what women should do in attracting, pleasing and keeping a man. What are a few things men should be doing for women? A husband should appreciate what their women can do for them, instead of taking them for granted. A woman should be treated like a queen, since she’s treating him like a king. Because we women need to hear it, tell her you love her and she’s beautiful, all the time. Tell her she’s the nicest woman in the world. You have to be sincere. You have to be totally, physically and emotionally faithful to your wife and not fucking around with other women. He has to please her sexually, enthusiastically and show her she’s special. Be nice to her and always listen to your wife—making her happy is a big part. And always keep your word.

[7] Those are some good tips for men, why don’t you focus on that equally? Maybe my second book will be what a man can do for a woman! But husbands should read this book too. You’ll see how to make a woman ejaculate and how to be sexually involved.

http://hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=42

I was 35. I had a bad breakup with my boyfriend of five years. I had to do something about my situation: I wanted to get married before I turned 40.

After reading more than 50 relationships and dating books, I learned that if I wanted to find a Good Man, I had to make being attractive and feminine a high priority for myself. I also came to realize that I had to be more passive and to learn to attract a man to me. I had to learn to attract, not to attack, men. I actually had to think about the kind of man I wanted, rather than finding myself ridiculously, quickly falling in love with any man who paid me any attention. I had been a tomboy, too aggressive in chasing after men.

I also had to change myself if I ever hoped to attract a man. Finally, I realized that instead of using all my energy to pursue a man, I needed to become attractive to a man and to let him pursue me. When I started to do something about my weight, my make-up and clothes, my acne, and my unfeminine ways, I noticed that men were paying me more attention. I needed to think more confidently about whom might be a good man for me.

As you develop yourself in your pursuit of love and marriage, I want you to avoid being called “an ugly duckling,” as one man yelled at me as he retreated from my frontal assault. Or, “not really a woman,” as another described me to my face. I want you to attract Good Men to you, not to have to fend off nasty men’s nasty comments.

Do you have any success story to attract men and keep your man? Would you like to share your story with me?

Py Kim Conant, Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man, Hunter House, October 28, 2006. Looking for relationship, dating and sex tips? Visit Py’s website at www.AmericanGeishaHouse.com

Unfortunately, even after that humiliating encounter in the library at age 23, I didn’t decide finally that it was time for me do something about my lack of beauty, sexiness, and femininity until I was 35 years old, a full twelve years after my humiliation in the library. I didn’t realize right away that I had to do something to help myself. I had been hurting myself by believing it didn’t matter how unattractive I was.

Even that rude slap in the face in the library and much more humiliation with other men until I was 35 (when Neil, my unenthusiastic boyfriend of five years, left me) somehow didn’t wake me up to the fact that my lack of beauty and sexy femininity was keeping me from the relationship success I so much wanted.

I had always thought that my best quality was my niceness, and that once I had forced myself on a man he would discount my obesity, lack of hair or clothing style, my acne, and my tomboyish ways. He would fall in love with my niceness, marry me, and we’d start a family. Of course, I was totally wrong and this fantasy of mine never came true because, in part, none of those twenty men ever cared to get close enough to me to discover my niceness.

It took me so many years to learn that most men want to be the hunter, not the hunted. After much (negative) personal experience and a lot of reading, I finally realized I had to attract a Good Man to me, not stalk and ambush that man, which had been my approach.

As I look back on those sad, desperate years, particularly between ages 30 and 35, I can’t believe how out of touch I was with the reality of men, especially to have bought into the untruth that only what was inside (my niceness) should be enough to find love and marriage with a good man.

Py Kim Conant, Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man, Hunter House, October 28, 2006. Looking for relationship, dating and sex tips? Visit Py’s website at www.AmericanGeishaHouse.com

It may not be politically correct to tell you that a woman should make herself beautiful, sexy, and feminine. However, if you don’t, then that nice, sweet, but unbeautiful, un-sexy, and unfeminine woman may spend many lonely, unhappy years being politically correct and unnoticed by most men.

I was terrible at finding a man who was good for me. Again and again I would chase after men. From the age of 20 until in hit 35, I had a bit of a feminist attitude. I was not shy and quiet. I approached men, initiated contact, and pursued them. But twenty of them-every one--- ran from me, avoided me, showed no interest in me.

It was 1986. I carried too many extra pounds on my 4-foot-9-inch frame. I paid little attention to my make-up, my hair or my clothes. One day at the city college library I saw a student I liked. We had often passed each other on campus, and said, “Hi.” On that rainy day, I walked over to him in the library and asked him if he could give me a ride home. He said to me, almost angrily, “Are you insane? Why do you think that I am interested in you? You don’t act like a woman. Why would I care to talk to you?” I was shocked. In that moment I was a total loser. I was insulted and hurt. What else could be a worse way to hurt a woman than to say, essentially, “You are not a woman”? But that was the truth in men’s eyes: I was not seen a woman, not noticed as a woman. My niceness didn’t impress the men. Inside, I knew I was a nice woman, but my outside appearance made men not even think of me as a woman. I was not a woman to men because I wasn’t dressing and acting like a woman and I was heavy and unattractive, not pretty, not sexy, and not feminine.

Py Kim Conant, the author of Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep a Man, from Hunter House, October 28, 2006. Looking for dating, sexuality, and relationship tips and secrets? Visit her website at www.AmericanGeishaHouse.com

I am 4 feet 9 inches tall, immigrant from Korea. My husband, Richard, is 6 feet 3 inches tall, Caucasian American. We have a big age gap, too.

When I first met my husband Richard at a singles dance in 1998, he owned no house, no car, had no stable job, no real savings, no medical insurance. He described himself as “confirmed bachelor.” I was 35 with a new car, a full-time teaching job, substantial savings, and full medical benefits.

Richard had never married and said he wouldn’t because he didn’t want to take on the responsibility, especially at his age (in his 50s). He was looking for a relationship with a woman to live together without marriage. I wanted marriage. I could have walked away. But somehow he and I seemed to fit well together even though we were from different cultures and different atmospheres (he is a foot-and-half taller). Our big age difference didn’t matter to us. Richard said we got together because we were “two loners who made each other laugh.”

We dated for a year, while he occasionally reminded me firmly that he was not going to marry me. Ultimately, I didn’t want to spend any more of my time with a man who didn’t want to marry, so I said my final goodbye to him one evening over dinner. He happily surprised me by declaring, with tears in his eyes, “I can’t let the nicest, sweetest woman I’ve ever known walk out of my life.” He proposed right then and we bought an engagement ring within two weeks.

However, my family didn’t approve of our marriage because of Richard’s race, his unstable income, and his age. My family told me, “It’s a shame to our family if you marry him.” They all refused to come to our wedding. Shortly after we became engaged, I dropped out of contact with my disapproving family. I ignored my family’s judgment, knowing that Richard was more than what my family believed.

In April 2000 we were married, standing under a tree on a hill overlooking the bay on Catalina Island, California. Three friends, but no family watched us read our personalized wedding vows. For his and my first-and-only marriage, we fearlessly said, “I do” to our future.

We have been married for more than 6 years…happily.

My question for you: In matters of the heart, should you listen to your own thoughts and feelings? Or should you listen to those of your family or society? Would you like to share your romance story?